“Should I confess my affair to my spouse/partner??” This is a vexing question for many. Of course, I will have the chorus of the usual crowd of Betrayed Spouses that visit (and sometimes attempt to bomb) my blog say, “YES OF COURSE! YOU MUST TELL! ALWAYS! NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME HAS GONE BY!” And they may have a point. It’s better to be honest. Living a lie is bad. Basing a marriage on a big lie (or a series of them) isn’t just bad, it’s abusive. Continue reading
Twice in the last year, I have been asked by someone how to overcome the recent disclosure that their spouse had an affair many years ago. In one case, about 20 years ago. In another case, 30 years ago (yes, during the first Reagan Administration!). I guess I was initially puzzled as what to advise. So I throw this one out to my readers as well. Continue reading
The answer? Mostly not. But sometimes yes. It’s an illogical and mind-boggling phenomenon. There are people very happy in their marriages that have affairs? Really? Continue reading
I’ve had this question several times by email — “What should I do? My best friend is having an affair. Should I tell his/her spouse?” Or maybe your sister or brother. Or sister-in-law. Etc. Someone you’re very close to. I’ve also seen this question in variations in the search engine requests that lead people to my blog. It’s a tough one. I DO think it’s situational to some extent — there is no one answer — but I think I’d still like to weigh in on it.
Another in a series of my interviews with cheaters, both current and former. This is an “Other Woman”, and a married one. Whose affair was discovered and is over. I think you’ll find her story compelling. This was a fairly brief, non-physical, but very intense affair. You can see how quickly feelings can escalate even when no physical contact at all is involved. And you will see what a huge mental price she has paid for her emotional dalliance. She now has to live with the guilt and because her Affair Partner’s wife knows, but has not (yet) ratted her out, she lives with the fear that at some point it will all be disclosed to her husband. Every time the phone rings, she probably jumps. Or worries whenever her husband approaches her without a smile on his face. This is the price she has paid. The “Sword of Damacles” will hang over her head for years.
She writes in a very from the heart sort of way. Raw and real. She pulls no punches. She does not justify her actions in any way. It’s worth a read. Judge if you must, but if you must, please do it silently. She’s put herself out there hopefully to help others avoid affairs.
I post very little about my affair or myself any longer. I wanted the blog to be not about me, but about the topic — to help others get out of infidelity, avoid it altogether or heal from it. So I say very little about my affair, my wife, my recovery or “her.” Its been more than 900 days since D-day and when I cut things off with “her”. My marriage has recovered well. We don’t talk about “it”. It’s very much in the rear view mirror for us. Continue reading
As some of you may know, I get private emails from readers – cheaters and betrayed spouses alike, and almost in equal amounts — asking for my reaction, to thank me, to ask for my help or just to vent about infidelity issues that touched their lives. I get far more emails than comments on the blog entries, in fact. People would rather not vent their personal struggles out in the open. Even anonymously. And I respect that. I’ve never outed anyone that’s written me, I’ve always protected people’s privacy. Even the jerks. Continue reading
Another the series I’ve been writing lately – personal interviews (by email) of former or current Cheaters. Continue reading