I hope to create a series of these — sort of an “In their own words” kind of blog entries– for former cheaters, current cheaters, the Other Woman/Other Man, maybe betrayed spouses (although they never seem to be without venues for their stories and opinions, so maybe not). this is the first one. Through it, I hope to put real faces, real emotions and thoughts to a complex issue. For my readers to gain insight into the minds of people involved in infidelity. Continue reading
For those of you who deny the possibility that the extent to which you meet your partner’s needs has a direct effect on their desire to stay faithful to you, I provide you this article which summarizes a study which basically concludes that the more that men go down on their wives, the less likely their wives are to stray. And yes, the cause/effect goes for men too. Those who are happy eating at home rarely eat out!! 🙂 Even if the study has its flaws, I think the point is very valid. Yes, the extent to which a person’s critical emotional needs (and yes, sex is primarily an emotional need, even for men) are met — the extent to which people are happy and content in their relationships — has a direct correlation to their fidelity. Period. Continue reading
But it’s a dangerous, immature and self-defeating response to being cheated on, which can backfire in many ways.
These actions almost always lead to separation and divorce.
If you think in any way I’m excusing affairs. I’m not. Let me be completely frank about affairs: They are 100% WRONG! Continue reading
Yes, there are different types of affairs! It’s occurred to me how much on blogs and forums we throw around the word “affair” as if they are all about the same. As if a one-night stand is the same as 5-year, deeply emotional and physical affair. I think that properly identifying the type of affair that has occurred or is occurring is important because it will lead the betrayed spouse to make the right decision – should I stay or should I go? Answer the question of who they are really married to? Continue reading
After receiving a number of emailed questions from Betrayed Spouses, it occurred to me that there is an issue out there that I haven’t read much about: When your Wayward Spouse claims to want to save the marriage, has ended the affair, but does not show or state real remorse for what they did. It can be enraging and confusing. Continue reading
In lieu of getting ideas for posts, or having people sending me email questions to respond to here (mostly they would rather not have their questions end up on my blog, and I respect that), I go through the list on my dashboard of recent search engine terms that have led people to my blog.
And respond to them quickly. Kind of like “Drive-By Advice”. This is part III. Continue reading
Interesting question. Is it better to have ended the affair and return to your marriage, determined that you will make things better and that this will never happen again, or to have your affair uncovered and the bare truth laid out to your spouse?
I received an email question on an interesting question which seems to break strongly into a couple of camps. The question, when the spouse of the person your spouse cheated with doesn’t know about the affair, should you tell this person what had been going on? Continue reading
I get emails almost every day from readers all over the world — to praise my blog, to vent about their situations, but more often than not, to ask for my perspective and help in their personal situations related to infidelity. I often hear from spouses who have tried various approaches to get their husband or wife to end their affair. And yet, nothing has worked. Either the spouse has refused to end the affair, has begged for more time to make up their mind, or has continued to see the Affair Partner despite promises they would not, or moved out entirely and now lives with the Affair Partner. So they ask me, “What should I do to get my husband (or wife) to come back to the marriage?” Continue reading