Snooping and Spying on Your Spouse: Is it Ethical?

ethicaltospyI saw this too in the listing of search engines  searches by others that led them to my blog, such  “Is it ok to spy on my spouse?”

It’s certainly a controversial question, with no simple answer. I’m sure many spouses out there actively practice this activity — snooping and spying — whether through very active means (key-logger programs on PCs for example), or by means that are more circumstantial. A lap-top accidently left open with a spouse’s inbox. Or a cell phone sitting on a night stand, unlocked.  Continue reading

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Betrayed Spouse Anger After the Affair: A Gift and a Cancer

ImageOne of the many things I’ve noticed in numerous blogs of Betrayed Spouses is how much time is spent venting about the affair and their former (or still currently) Cheating Spouse.  Absolute venom and rage.  So much so that it appears to me to be getting  in the way of personal and marital healing.  Continue reading

Perceptions – and why some Betrayed Spouses can’t get over an affair

I thought this article is interesting, written by a psychologist and former Betrayed Spouse herself.  It shows how incorrect perceptions result in some couples not being able to recover after an affair.  I read many of these same opinions in various Betrayed Spouse blogs.  But I think this one gives a great perspective on this from a therapist.  By providing the Waywards different perspective.  Also, it points out some truths about what it takes to really recover a marriage. Work on both sides! Vulnerability by both. And yes, forgiveness and a leap of faith. Continue reading

Mistakes Former Cheaters Make in Marital Recovery After an Affair

mistakesIf you are truly remorseful for your affair, and you truly wish to not only make amends to your Betrayed Spouse, but remake your marriage in such a way that an affair would never be an issue again, you have much work to do.  You may not even be able to save the marriage as some Betrayed Spouses just can’t get past it.  Repairing this — if it’s repairable – usually takes a long time.  A year or more.  While I’m not suggesting that you have to hang in there no matter what — that you may have a spouse who seeks punishment more than forgiveness — there are things you need to avoid if you want your marriage to be saved. Continue reading

Biggest Mistakes Betrayed Spouses Make Recovering From an Affair

ooopsThis blog entry is on mistakes that Betrayed Spouses routinely make during marital recovery.  Blunders and errors of judgment that make it unlikely that a marriage will not only survive an affair..  I wrote it after reading blog after blog by Betrayed Spouses who seem to be doing all in their power to sabotage marital recovery and don’t realize it.   From my reading, thought and research, I came up with what I think are 21 things to avoid if you want your marriage to survive and thrive after an affair.  Continue reading