Privacy vs. Secrecy in a Marriage

WheImagere is the boundary between appropriate privacy as an adult within a marriage and secrecy such that it’s undermining the marriage itself?  A sticky issue, to be sure. My blog entry on whether spying on your spouse was ethical turned out to be one the most hotly contested blog entries I’ve every written and it touched on this issue — it’s the common thread:  Just because I’m married, do I have no expectation of any personal privacy?  Of not just deed, but of thought?  Or my personal things?  Can I have any measure of privacy without appearing to be dishonest?  Couples often struggle with knowing what can be held back and what should be revealed between each other. There is sometimes confusion between a desire for privacy and a feeling that one’s partner is hiding something from us.   “Privacy” and “Secrecy” are often confused by people, but they are different concepts.

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Losing the spark in a relationship

ImageOften I hear people — whether they have cheated or not — say something like “I don’t feel the spark in my marriage any more.  It’s not like it used to be.”  Sometimes this is said as the “reason” for having an affair — they no longer feel attracted to their spouse, and they don’t feel desired by their spouse who seems indifferent, if not downright hostile, to sex.   What was once a horny GF or BF who cared about their appearance and couldn’t take their hands off you, has become an uninteresting, interested spouse who no longer cares much about their appearance and treats sex with you as if it was a chore.  And this will leave any relationship vulnerable to an affair, a divorce, or both.    Good article on the concept below. Continue reading

The “Semi-Happy Marriage” and Affairs


“The Semi-happy Marriage: Too safe to leave, too boring to stay. A business partnership at best.” 

The “Semi-Happy Marriage has become common these days and is one of the most common situations that lead to affairs and/or divorce, according to relationship experts.

All marriages have their ups and downs, but the semi-happy marriage is chronically ambivalent. It’s a marriage that’s neither miserable nor all that successful.   Continue reading

Recovering From An Affair: How to Become His “Girlfriend” Again

liam-neeson-girlfriend-600x450First off, this article is NOT meant to let men off the hook.   Or that it’s only men who have grievances against their spouses.  Or that only men are susceptible to affairs.  Not true.  I hope some Former Cheating Female writes something similar from the female POV.  Truly.  I just wouldn’t be qualified to do so.  That being said….this is a topic I’ve thought long about, based on what I’ve seen on blogs, read in books, and heard in a roundabout way from a variety of on-line therapists and psychologists.  What is the common thread for why most men cheat? Continue reading