Twice in the last year, I have been asked by someone how to overcome the recent disclosure that their spouse had an affair many years ago. In one case, about 20 years ago. In another case, 30 years ago (yes, during the first Reagan Administration!). I guess I was initially puzzled as what to advise. So I throw this one out to my readers as well. Continue reading
The more I’ve read, the more I’ve learned. And one of the things I ran into on this blog are a series of Betrayed Spouses that refuse to grant forgiveness, and then wonder why their marriages haven’t recovered? Because withholding forgiveness is power. Because to not forgive is to punish. And you can’t pursue healing until you forgive.
So I saw this article. I thought it very powerful Continue reading
I have reprinted this Rick Reynold’s thoughts and articles before. He is so smart. If more people followed this guy’s ideas, there would be less pain out there over this. He emphasizes understanding, compassion, and letting go of the need to “get even” with your spouse, and letting go of focusing on the past (eg, the affair details, the OW/OM) if you are going to move forward. And for the wayward spouse, the ability to accept responsibility for your actions, showing patience, and to really listen even if you feel defensive. All good suggestions. Continue reading
While discussing the whole situation with my wife last night, she basically told me, “you’re being harder on yourself than even I’ve been….I’ve forgiven you for all of this, but you clearly haven’t forgiven yourself. And you need to. Perhaps you should go back to therapy with (my therapist’s name)?” Continue reading
“Forgiveness has been the hardest part of all of this because I was so confused by what it meant. And I have yet to fully forgive (my husband) because I still feel like it means I’m saying what he did was ok; that I accept it.”
Yesterday, I blogged about the Wayward Spouse forgiving themselves. Today, what about the Betrayed Spouse “forgiving” the cheater? Continue reading