Engaging in a Revenge Affair and Why it Won’t Work

The Revenge affair.  An eye for an eye.   Adult “tit for tat.”   These are affairs done in retaliation for a partner’s affair or due to mistreatment by the marital partner. In many cases, a Betrayed Spouse has an affair to “even the score” — and may make sure that their Wayward Spouse knows they did it.

But it’s a dangerous, immature and self-defeating response to being cheated on, which can backfire in many ways.

These actions almost always lead to separation and divorce.

For Cheaters and Those Who Have Been Betrayed

My Blog has a purpose:  To help others while helping me deal with me. It’s part of my personal penance. So let me summarize what I’ve said to others before.

If you think in any way I’m excusing affairs. I’m not. Let me be completely frank about affairs: They are 100% WRONG!

The Seven Types of Affairs

Yes, there are different types of affairs!  It’s occurred to me how much on blogs and forums we throw around the word “affair” as if they are all about the same.   As if a one-night stand is the same as 5-year, deeply emotional and physical affair.  I think  that properly identifying the type of affair that has occurred or is occurring is important because it will lead the betrayed spouse to make the right decision – should I stay or should I go?  Answer the question of who they are really married to? 

Why do so many people cheat?

Sexual infidelity is one of humanity’s great obsessions, perhaps second only to violence. We abhor it, yet we want to hear all about it. We love the topic. It’s on the news, the web, movies, and on TV. We can’t get enough of it. But while we often get the details of “who” the infidelity involves and “how” it was carried off, the question of “why” is the most vexing.

When a Cheating Spouse Shows No Remorse

After receiving a number of emailed questions from Betrayed Spouses, it occurred to me that there is an issue out there that I haven’t read much about:  When your Wayward Spouse claims to want to save the marriage, has ended the affair, but does not show or state real remorse for what they did.  It can be enraging and confusing. 

More Affair Search Terms People Use to Reach My Blog and My Responses

In lieu of getting ideas for posts, or having people sending me email questions to respond to here (mostly they would rather not have their questions end up on my blog, and I respect that), I go through the list on my dashboard of recent search engine terms that have led people to my blog.

And respond to them quickly. Kind of like “Drive-By Advice”.  This is part III.

Is it better to have the affair discovered or to get away with it and go back to your marriage?

Interesting question. Is it better to have ended the affair and return to your marriage, determined that you will make things better and that this will never happen again, or to have your affair uncovered and the bare truth laid out to your spouse?

Disclosing the Affair to the Spouse of Your Spouse’s Affair Partner

I received an email question on an interesting question which seems to break strongly into a couple of camps.  The question, when the spouse of the person your spouse cheated with doesn’t know about the affair, should you tell this person what had been going on?

Reblog: You can’t escape your past

I stumbled upon this blog. Curiously (and you don’t see it often), part of the blog deals with an affair — by a lesbian. She talks about the “Other Woman” and she is a woman.  I think this is the first one of these I’ve seen yet.  One can see that her words are profound and her feelings are no different than hetero cheaters feel. I thought it was a good read and worthy of a reblog since it appears that this person stopped writing about the affair about 2 years ago (it appears it all blew up 4 years ago). 

A reblog: Why many men have affairs — and the mental consequences

I found this to be very profound and I could relate to it. I presents I think the mindset of many married men who have affairs and why they have them.  And I think it also highlights in this case the somewhat unaware or uncaring betrayed spouse who doesn’t care a dangerous emotional vacuum is opening up in the marriage.