Losing the spark in a relationship

Often I hear people — whether they have cheated or not — say something like “I don’t feel the spark in my marriage any more.  It’s not like it used to be.”  Sometimes this is said as the “reason” for having an affair — they no longer feel attracted to their spouse, and they don’t feel desired by their spouse who seems indifferent, if not downright hostile, to sex.   What was once a horny GF or BF who cared about their appearance and couldn’t take their hands off you, has become an uninteresting, interested spouse who no longer cares much about their appearance and treats sex with you as if it was a chore.  And this will leave any relationship vulnerable to an affair, a divorce, or both.    Good article on the concept below.

For Cheaters and Those Who Have Been Betrayed

My Blog has a purpose:  To help others while helping me deal with me. It’s part of my personal penance. So let me summarize what I’ve said to others before.

If you think in any way I’m excusing affairs. I’m not. Let me be completely frank about affairs: They are 100% WRONG!

The Seven Types of Affairs

Yes, there are different types of affairs!  It’s occurred to me how much on blogs and forums we throw around the word “affair” as if they are all about the same.   As if a one-night stand is the same as 5-year, deeply emotional and physical affair.  I think  that properly identifying the type of affair that has occurred or is occurring is important because it will lead the betrayed spouse to make the right decision – should I stay or should I go?  Answer the question of who they are really married to? 

After the Affair: Avoiding Even the Appearance of Past Behavior

I listen to a lot of talk radio during my commute on my XM/Sirius radio.  I frequently listen to the radio shrinks who deal with relationships (Dr. Laura, Dr. Jenn, Dr. Joy Browne), and some who aren’t even qualified to do so but do so anyway (Tiffany Granath!!  You’re funny, hon, but you’re not the sharpest tool in the drawer! You shouldn’t be dispensing relationship advice given your history, but I listen anyway because it’s entertaining!).

Things to Consider Before You Have An Affair

Looking back 3 years ago when I embarked on my affair, there were numerous potential fall-outs from my affair I really didn’t consider. Did I consider how my life might blow-up if it was discovered? I did. 

Granting Forgiveness After the Affair

The more I’ve read, the more I’ve learned. And one of the things I ran into on this blog are a series of Betrayed Spouses that refuse to grant forgiveness, and then wonder why their marriages haven’t recovered?  Because withholding forgiveness is power. Because to not forgive is to punish.  And you can’t pursue healing until you forgive.

So I saw this article. I thought it very powerful

How to End Your Affair

I can’t tell you how many times I have read this on blogs, on message boards, or heard it in real life.  People, whether married or single, who are in affairs, but don’t know how to end it. 

How do affairs start?

I’ve been mulling this topic over for a while because I see such vast differences in opinions on various blogs and message boards about how affairs really start — some nasty disinformation is prevalent out there, designed to shame the cheater or former cheater. 

Causes of an affair..and prevention

It’s so frequently debated. What causes an affair?  There are many books, articles, opinions about what causes an affair.  All over the web.  Too many people just want to say that anyone that cheats is merely a “jerk,” or a “slut”, a horrible person, through and through, selfish and uncaring without a shred of  character and integrity.  But that’s too simple and does not fit most people that have affairs.  GOOD people. MORAL people still find themselves caught up in an affair. So isn’t it smart to find out why, except for the truly mentally ill, that normal, average people who never envisioned themselves in an affair do so?

How Often Do Affair Partners End up Marrying and Happy?

Short answer? Sometimes. But not as often as people in them think they will. In fact, it’s pretty rare that two people in an affair end up married, and are still married after 5 years. Those that do marry face this sobering statistic: They are twice as likely to end up in divorce than marriages that didn’t start out as an illicit relationship.