Forgiving an Affair that Occurred Decades Ago

coupleTwice in the last year, I have been asked by someone how to overcome the recent disclosure that their spouse had an affair many years ago. In one case, about 20 years ago. In another case, 30 years ago (yes, during the first Reagan Administration!).  I guess I was initially puzzled as what to advise.  So I throw this one out to my readers as well. Continue reading


“Facebook Caused My Spouse to Cheat and Leave Me”

facebookdivorceI have seen this, or statements similar to this,  many times on message boards, blogs and such.   And in some emails I’ve received, there is direct (or implied) blame of social media why someone’s spouse cheated on them and left them.  So are social media the reason why people cheat and get divorced?  Not really.  They are just the most current, modern mechanism to facilitate it.  But not the causes. Continue reading

When Your Best Friend is Having an Affair

I’ve had this question several times by email — “What should I do? My best friend is having an affair.  Should I tell his/her spouse?”  Or maybe your sister or brother. Or sister-in-law.  Etc.  Someone you’re very close to.    I’ve also seen this question in variations in the search engine requests that lead people to my blog. It’s a tough one.  I DO think it’s situational to some extent — there is no one answer — but I think I’d still like to weigh in on it.
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The Emotional Affair in Ruins: Kaitlyn’s Affair Story

ImageAnother in a series of my interviews with cheaters, both current and former.  This is an “Other Woman”, and a married one.  Whose affair was discovered and is over. I think you’ll find her story compelling.   This was a fairly brief, non-physical, but very intense affair. You can see how quickly feelings can escalate even when no physical contact at all is involved. And you will see what a huge mental price she has paid for her emotional dalliance.  She now has to live with the guilt and because her Affair Partner’s wife knows, but has not (yet) ratted her out, she lives with the fear that at some point it will all be disclosed to her husband.  Every time the phone rings, she probably jumps. Or worries whenever her husband approaches her without a smile on his face.  This is the price she has paid.  The “Sword of Damacles” will hang over her head for years.

She writes in a very from the heart sort of way. Raw and real.  She pulls no punches. She does not justify her actions in any way. It’s worth a read.  Judge if you must, but if you must, please do it silently. She’s put herself out there hopefully to help others avoid affairs.
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Why Single Women Have Affairs with Married Men

easelly_visual-6-e1375100667674I won’t take credit for this. It’s a reprint from something I saw on from author Dawn Sutton.  I found it doing research for someone based on their emailed question. While it’s hard to generalize about affairs and the people in them (it varies so much!!), I think what was written here sounded “right” to me.  And answers that question, “Why would some smart, attractive, single woman get involved with a married guy?”  I think a lot of Betrayeds have that question.  Continue reading

The Other Woman Explained

15f542c3cf3c159f9c463144731211adThese are not my words. A reader of mine sent me a link to a URL that some other man (I’m guessing someone in the UK, based on some of the wording and spelling) posted 4 years ago.  I found it to be humorous, but also full of a lot of truths. I could quibble here and there about some of his conclusions, and absolutes, but I thought it said a lot about the motivations of otherwise smart women to become mistresses. And the motivations of some married men to take them in their lives. And the motivations of some wives to turn a somewhat blind eye to what’s going on.  There were things in this article that definitely rang true to me.  I added in a few of my notes here and there. Continue reading

Affair Recovery: Getting Over The Other Woman

woman_in_shadow_by_isabellaspace-d5e7nppI post very little about my affair or myself any longer.  I wanted the blog to be not about me, but about the topic — to help others get out of infidelity, avoid it altogether or heal from it.  So I say very little about my affair, my wife, my recovery or “her.”  Its been more than 900 days since D-day and when I cut things off with “her”. My marriage has recovered well. We don’t talk about “it”.  It’s very much in the rear view mirror for us. Continue reading

Charles’ Affair Story

ImageThis is another in my series of interviews of those involved in Infidelity, in order to give a perspective to others and put a human face to these stories. As you will see below, “Charles” (named changed to preserve anonymity) was involved in a relatively sexless marriage. He feels completely rejected by his wife romantically/physically, and it’s why he sought out an Affair, which he now very much regrets. Again, an example of “cause and effect”. If you don’t make your spouse feel understood, appreciated, desired and wanted, someone else might. Happy and content people rarely have affairs. His writing is raw, powerful, and full of shame, regret and inner turmoil. Well worth the read.

With that, meet Charles…. Continue reading