Forgiving an Affair that Occurred Decades Ago

coupleTwice in the last year, I have been asked by someone how to overcome the recent disclosure that their spouse had an affair many years ago. In one case, about 20 years ago. In another case, 30 years ago (yes, during the first Reagan Administration!).  I guess I was initially puzzled as what to advise.  So I throw this one out to my readers as well. Continue reading

Advertisements

One for the Readers: Reaction to the Story “My Wife is Cheating”

g-questionsAs some of you may know, I get private emails from readers – cheaters and betrayed spouses alike, and almost in equal amounts — asking for my reaction, to thank me, to ask for my help or just to vent about infidelity issues that touched their lives.  I get far more emails than comments on the blog entries, in fact. People would rather not vent their personal struggles out in the open.  Even anonymously.  And I respect that. I’ve never outed anyone that’s written me, I’ve always protected people’s privacy.  Even the jerks. Continue reading

Recovery of Trust After an Affair

ImageMany couples that have been through infidelity want to restore trust after an affair but find this to be the most difficult part of rebuilding their marriage. More specifically, the injured spouse, the one that was cheated on, almost always finds it impossible to trust his or her partner. This is one of the most difficult parts because the partner has already shown that they were untrustworthy in the past. How can they be trusted again?

Unfortunately, without learning how to trust again, it will be impossible to rebuild the marriage. It’s a waste of your time and theirs. It’s that simple. Continue reading

More Affair Search Terms People Use to Reach My Blog and My Responses

searchengine

In lieu of getting ideas for posts, or having people sending me email questions to respond to here (mostly they would rather not have their questions end up on my blog, and I respect that), I go through the list on my dashboard of recent search engine terms that have led people to my blog.

And respond to them quickly. Kind of like “Drive-By Advice”.  This is part III. Continue reading

When Your Spouse Refuses to End their Affair and Come Back to You

Arguing-8I get emails almost every day from readers all over the world — to praise my blog, to vent about their situations, but more often than not, to ask for my perspective and help in their personal situations related to infidelity.  I often hear from spouses who have tried various approaches to get their husband or wife to end their affair. And yet, nothing has worked. Either the spouse has refused to end the affair, has begged for more time to make up their mind, or has continued to see the Affair Partner despite promises they would not, or moved out entirely and now lives with the Affair Partner. So they ask me, “What should I do to get my husband (or wife) to come back to the marriage?” Continue reading

Granting Forgiveness After the Affair

forgiveness-2The more I’ve read, the more I’ve learned. And one of the things I ran into on this blog are a series of Betrayed Spouses that refuse to grant forgiveness, and then wonder why their marriages haven’t recovered?  Because withholding forgiveness is power. Because to not forgive is to punish.  And you can’t pursue healing until you forgive.

So I saw this article. I thought it very powerful Continue reading