The Emotional Affair in Ruins: Kaitlyn’s Affair Story

ImageAnother in a series of my interviews with cheaters, both current and former.  This is an “Other Woman”, and a married one.  Whose affair was discovered and is over. I think you’ll find her story compelling.   This was a fairly brief, non-physical, but very intense affair. You can see how quickly feelings can escalate even when no physical contact at all is involved. And you will see what a huge mental price she has paid for her emotional dalliance.  She now has to live with the guilt and because her Affair Partner’s wife knows, but has not (yet) ratted her out, she lives with the fear that at some point it will all be disclosed to her husband.  Every time the phone rings, she probably jumps. Or worries whenever her husband approaches her without a smile on his face.  This is the price she has paid.  The “Sword of Damacles” will hang over her head for years.

She writes in a very from the heart sort of way. Raw and real.  She pulls no punches. She does not justify her actions in any way. It’s worth a read.  Judge if you must, but if you must, please do it silently. She’s put herself out there hopefully to help others avoid affairs.
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Engaging in a Revenge Affair and Why it Won’t Work

revengeThe Revenge affair.  An eye for an eye.   Adult “tit for tat.”   These are affairs done in retaliation for a partner’s affair or due to mistreatment by the marital partner. In many cases, a Betrayed Spouse has an affair to “even the score” — and may make sure that their Wayward Spouse knows they did it.

But it’s a dangerous, immature and self-defeating response to being cheated on, which can backfire in many ways.

These actions almost always lead to separation and divorce.

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Recovery of Trust After an Affair

ImageMany couples that have been through infidelity want to restore trust after an affair but find this to be the most difficult part of rebuilding their marriage. More specifically, the injured spouse, the one that was cheated on, almost always finds it impossible to trust his or her partner. This is one of the most difficult parts because the partner has already shown that they were untrustworthy in the past. How can they be trusted again?

Unfortunately, without learning how to trust again, it will be impossible to rebuild the marriage. It’s a waste of your time and theirs. It’s that simple. Continue reading

The Seven Types of Affairs

rememberYes, there are different types of affairs!  It’s occurred to me how much on blogs and forums we throw around the word “affair” as if they are all about the same.   As if a one-night stand is the same as 5-year, deeply emotional and physical affair.  I think  that properly identifying the type of affair that has occurred or is occurring is important because it will lead the betrayed spouse to make the right decision – should I stay or should I go?  Answer the question of who they are really married to?  Continue reading

More Affair Search Terms People Use to Reach My Blog and My Responses

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In lieu of getting ideas for posts, or having people sending me email questions to respond to here (mostly they would rather not have their questions end up on my blog, and I respect that), I go through the list on my dashboard of recent search engine terms that have led people to my blog.

And respond to them quickly. Kind of like “Drive-By Advice”.  This is part III. Continue reading

Causes of an affair..and prevention

couple-sensual-kiss-love-couples-merci-lovebisous-poljubac-sexy-new-album-kisses-sex-wow-paare-amor-romance-romantisme-amoureux-hot-couples-kandys-album-bw-pashion-love-pics-sexy-couple-love-romance-eIt’s so frequently debated. What causes an affair?  There are many books, articles, opinions about what causes an affair.  All over the web.  Too many people just want to say that anyone that cheats is merely a “jerk,” or a “slut”, a horrible person, through and through, selfish and uncaring without a shred of  character and integrity.  But that’s too simple and does not fit most people that have affairs.  GOOD people. MORAL people still find themselves caught up in an affair. So isn’t it smart to find out why, except for the truly mentally ill, that normal, average people who never envisioned themselves in an affair do so? Continue reading

Mark’s Affair Story, part II

man__s_silhouette_by_tahaelraaid-d4s41x6Again, poignant parts and my commentary on a blog that really spoke to me. Not just for how it all evolved, but his recovery as well.  My story is a tad different — he divorced and actually attempted to make a go of it with his Affair Partner. I did not. I immediately knew that I wanted to save my marriage and put all my effort into it. But other than that, there are parallels. Continue reading

Breaking the Affair Addiction

resized_addiction_to_love_by_B_neoZENI’m posting this because this addiction – to the affair, to the affair partner – is something I went through and am now past.  Seeing someone who turned out to be destructive, mean, and psychotic helped me get over them faster, but I still felt the “withdrawal” from the affair when I terminated it and went cold turkey.  It was still a process.

I wrote this for some of you Waywards that I see on blogs, on message boards, asking, “Why oh WHY can’t I  get over him/her so I can heal my marriage?”  Continue reading