Rewriting Marital History After the Affair

12648772-angry-husband-and-wife-turning-their-back-on-each-otherFrequently, I have read things like, “why do cheaters lie about their marriages during the affair?”  Or “Why do cheaters rewrite marital history after the affair is over in order to make their spouses seem so awful?”

In my experience here, reading blogs, answering hundreds of emails, etc, I think I’ve learned this about rewriting marital history during and after an affair, there are three stories that are told:

The version of the marriage told by the Betrayed Spouse, the version told by the Wayward Spouse, and, frankly, the actual truth about the marriage, which is usually somewhere in the middle. Continue reading

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“Facebook Caused My Spouse to Cheat and Leave Me”

facebookdivorceI have seen this, or statements similar to this,  many times on message boards, blogs and such.   And in some emails I’ve received, there is direct (or implied) blame of social media why someone’s spouse cheated on them and left them.  So are social media the reason why people cheat and get divorced?  Not really.  They are just the most current, modern mechanism to facilitate it.  But not the causes. Continue reading

When Your Best Friend is Having an Affair

consoling_friend
I’ve had this question several times by email — “What should I do? My best friend is having an affair.  Should I tell his/her spouse?”  Or maybe your sister or brother. Or sister-in-law.  Etc.  Someone you’re very close to.    I’ve also seen this question in variations in the search engine requests that lead people to my blog. It’s a tough one.  I DO think it’s situational to some extent — there is no one answer — but I think I’d still like to weigh in on it.
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The Emotional Affair in Ruins: Kaitlyn’s Affair Story

ImageAnother in a series of my interviews with cheaters, both current and former.  This is an “Other Woman”, and a married one.  Whose affair was discovered and is over. I think you’ll find her story compelling.   This was a fairly brief, non-physical, but very intense affair. You can see how quickly feelings can escalate even when no physical contact at all is involved. And you will see what a huge mental price she has paid for her emotional dalliance.  She now has to live with the guilt and because her Affair Partner’s wife knows, but has not (yet) ratted her out, she lives with the fear that at some point it will all be disclosed to her husband.  Every time the phone rings, she probably jumps. Or worries whenever her husband approaches her without a smile on his face.  This is the price she has paid.  The “Sword of Damacles” will hang over her head for years.

She writes in a very from the heart sort of way. Raw and real.  She pulls no punches. She does not justify her actions in any way. It’s worth a read.  Judge if you must, but if you must, please do it silently. She’s put herself out there hopefully to help others avoid affairs.
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“You’re Too Fit for LA Fitness”

Planet-Fitness-tells-Bay-Area-woman-to-cover-up-because-her-toned-body-is-intimidatingThis is NOT about affairs or even relationships. Rarely do I delve into other issues here, but I saw this yesterday in the press, and I really and truly have to comment on it.

Apparently, a woman at an LA Fitness in Richmond, VA was told to “cover up” her body because her physique was “too intimidating” to other women in the gym and they have a “no judgment” policy there (to be fit is to “judge”??). It’s absurd on the face of it. Continue reading

Today is the day. 500,000 hits in 13 months!!

dogSometime this morning, my blog will have seen 500,000 hits since mid-January 2013.

Wow. Simply wow. I would never have guessed that this blog would take off like this.  It’s now averaging 3,200 hits per day.  500,000 hits?  It says something about the topic. A lot of people have a lot of questions, a lot of anger and hurt, and are seeking help. Information. Hope.  From anywhere.

To my readers, even those that refuse to accept my message of understanding, hope, forgiveness and reconciliation, I say – thank you.

When Single Men Have Affairs With Married Women

couples-2_1This is sort of Part II concerning single people having affairs with married people and why. Recently, I wrote about why single women have affairs with married men.  So today it’s the more rare circumstance — those few single men who have affairs with married women. And how the single male’s motivations and approach tends to be different than the single woman who is someone’s affair partner. Continue reading