THIS is why I keep my blog going

thMy affair is pretty much ancient history. We are doing great.  We no longer talk about “it” or “her.” It’s well in our rear view mirror.  But I have kept this blog going.  Why? Because of the notes I get every week from people, desperate for help and/or thanking me for my blog profusely.  Because I feel like I’m making a difference still.  Because a voice of someone like me is sorely needed in a sea of blogs that rarely present the point of view of the “Recovering Wayward Spouse,” and if they do, it’s usually inaccurate and mean-spirited.

Despite what some think of me (including a woman who claims to be a big Christian, and completely mis-characterized me and my blog on her website), if anyone has read my blog for more than 16 nano-seconds knows that I think 1) affairs are 100% wrong, 2) there is no excuse for affairs, and 3) you can not only heal a marriage after an affair but thrive.

That being said, I’m a blunt person. I have commented when I think a Betrayed Spouse is doing or saying what to me are self-defeating things in my blog. And yeah, I take on current/former cheaters too. I call them as I see them.  Yes, some cheaters are absurdly delusional and self-serving in their “logic.”  And yes, some Betrayeds DO play the victim too much, and much to the detriment of their psyches and marital recoveries.  Not all but some.

I’m blunt, here and in real life. Not everyone can deal with it. Not everyone can deal with uncomfortable truths. Not everyone can deal with looking in the mirror.  So despite the few haters, I keep going.  I ignore them. I have a purpose here and I’m not going to let fools, the mean-spirited and haters detract me from it.   It would be easy to just walk away from the whole topic and let people figure it out on their own.  To let the haters get to me. But I don’t.  I keep it going because of emails like these.  I got this yesterday.  Word for word.  (and yes, the writer gave me permission to reprint it here)

Thank you for your blog.  I was about a day away from meeting someone in person (that I met online) for an affair.  I read some of the things on your blog, the stories, the comments, the articles…spent an entire day sifting through it.  And decided to take myself off of that path.  I am still tempted, but learning more about what affairs do is helping me turn back from the brink.  I was seeking an affair as a way of avoiding a lot of emotional pain in my life.  But it wasn’t going to help.  Thank you for your work.

It honestly gave me pause. Stunned me.  I helped to STOP an affair before it began!!   Me and my little blog may have saved at least 1 person (and maybe 4 or more) incredible pain and destruction!  it made me feel so good.  THIS is why I’ve kept the blog going.

And to the nasty, the haters, and the “chumps” out there?

in-your-face

This is pretty much in your face. 🙂

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15 thoughts on “THIS is why I keep my blog going

  1. Hi,

    I just want to thank you and say, I think you are An amazing ” BRAVE” Guy. I don’t agree with what you did but I admire you for the way you have handled it and taken a very negative situation and turned it into a positive one.

    Who knows – hopefully you will stop someone from going down the road ,of causing so much devastation to many.

    Thank you.

  2. I just want to say thank you for being blunt, truthfully and for researching affair topics. You have given me a true understanding. I was betrayed/blindsided after 25 years and had no choice to file fore a divorce as my husband left for his affair partner. His affair was going on while I was preoccupied with our 18 month old grandson fighting for his life with acute myeloid leukemia. My grandson is still fighting the fight today. I look forward to your emails notifying me that you have posted a new blog, interview or article, so I can continue to understand. For the longest time I felt like I was dying inside. I could go on…… And on….., but I just want to say thank you.

    Mary Sent from my iPad

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  3. And don’t forget-for every “one” of us who take the time to write and THANK YOU for your website, There are hundreds of people who don’t take the time to Thank You but get tremendous benefit from you!!! Let that negative stuff roll off your back–you are doing way too much good to let a few wack jobs get under your skin!! You have by far the best website & information!

    Sent from my iPhone

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    • I certainly didn’t mean to suggest that other people haven’t appreciated my blog whether here or by email. I get a lot of “thank you’s”!! I guess i highlighted THIS one because I actually seem to have helped someone who was on the brink of an affair avoid it. And that made me extra happy. Of course, I’m pleased whenever I get feedback from anyone who says that my blog is a great source of help and comfort to them. 🙂

  4. My situation was like Melanie’s. Don’t have a special needs kid, although my kids – grown as they may be – always seem to have a need they think deserves my special attention. I was trying to get a new business off the ground, and always busy with my kids, house, pets, one extended family member or another who always seemed to be in crisis, and I’ve always been that person everyone turned to. Their enabler, to be honest. I knew I wasn’t attending to my husband, but more often than not, I would tell myself he was a big boy & could look after himself. And I always thought there would be time for that. When the kids moved out. When this or that family member was settled & more stable. While I didn’t expect what happened to me, I should have. It occurred to me more than once that it could happen – that it was happening. But it was like a distant bell I never seemed to make time to answer. I just didn’t have my priorities in order. Neither did he, but you know, the only person you can really control is yourself. So whatever pair of shoes you’re in (betrayer or betrayed), if you want a happy marriage, you’ve got to put it at the top of your “to do” list, and get on it. I still have the occasional crisis to attend to, but I’ve found that if I don’t take responsibility for every little thing, life still goes on.

  5. Hello there! I’m so happy I’ve found you again. That sounded “stalky” and I promise that’s not the case at all. Lol! I originally found your blog right after I discovered my husband’s affair in late 2011/early 2012. Anyway, I commented a few times (not one of the haters) and truly appreciated your perspective and, honestly You and one other blogger that you are familiar with (very sweet lady, still struggling) are the two principal sites I went to when the walls were closing in. Our timing was all right around the same few months and the characteristics of all of us involved very similar. Anyway, your blog has been invaluable in helping me to pull it together – hubby and I are doing great and moving forward and on those days that I have an attack of crap memories (her compared to me, his distance during the affair, you get the drift) and I can’t kick those memories’ rear-end, I’ve turned to some of the posts you’ve posted that I saved for reference and you have saved my fella and I more than one miserable evening. Thank you so very much and please don’t go anywhere. Keep posting. Keep doing well and God bless.

  6. I want to thank you for the tremendous resource you provide. There is a lot of crap on the internet that pretends to be useful, but your website truly is. Although it did not prevent an affair (I found it on the day following my wife’s and my D-day, 2 weeks ago), it has provided guidance and points for discussion ever since. Those first few days were critical, and you were there. You helped me find the strength and direction to pursue reconciliation, forgiveness and understanding. We have a long road ahead of us, of that I’m sure, and have started professional counseling. But we certainly got off on the right foot by reading your insightful and frank articles that are helpful for both sides of the affair. Very best regards to you.

    • Such kind and encouraging words. Im pleased to be of help. You are in a tough spot and the journey is long. Hoping you two can emerge better and stronger from this.

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