My affair is pretty much ancient history. We are doing great. We no longer talk about “it” or “her.” It’s well in our rear view mirror. But I have kept this blog going. Why? Because of the notes I get every week from people, desperate for help and/or thanking me for my blog profusely. Because I feel like I’m making a difference still. Because a voice of someone like me is sorely needed in a sea of blogs that rarely present the point of view of the “Recovering Wayward Spouse,” and if they do, it’s usually inaccurate and mean-spirited.
Despite what some think of me (including a woman who claims to be a big Christian, and completely mis-characterized me and my blog on her website), if anyone has read my blog for more than 16 nano-seconds knows that I think 1) affairs are 100% wrong, 2) there is no excuse for affairs, and 3) you can not only heal a marriage after an affair but thrive.
That being said, I’m a blunt person. I have commented when I think a Betrayed Spouse is doing or saying what to me are self-defeating things in my blog. And yeah, I take on current/former cheaters too. I call them as I see them. Yes, some cheaters are absurdly delusional and self-serving in their “logic.” And yes, some Betrayeds DO play the victim too much, and much to the detriment of their psyches and marital recoveries. Not all but some.
I’m blunt, here and in real life. Not everyone can deal with it. Not everyone can deal with uncomfortable truths. Not everyone can deal with looking in the mirror. So despite the few haters, I keep going. I ignore them. I have a purpose here and I’m not going to let fools, the mean-spirited and haters detract me from it. It would be easy to just walk away from the whole topic and let people figure it out on their own. To let the haters get to me. But I don’t. I keep it going because of emails like these. I got this yesterday. Word for word. (and yes, the writer gave me permission to reprint it here)
Thank you for your blog. I was about a day away from meeting someone in person (that I met online) for an affair. I read some of the things on your blog, the stories, the comments, the articles…spent an entire day sifting through it. And decided to take myself off of that path. I am still tempted, but learning more about what affairs do is helping me turn back from the brink. I was seeking an affair as a way of avoiding a lot of emotional pain in my life. But it wasn’t going to help. Thank you for your work.
It honestly gave me pause. Stunned me. I helped to STOP an affair before it began!! Me and my little blog may have saved at least 1 person (and maybe 4 or more) incredible pain and destruction! it made me feel so good. THIS is why I’ve kept the blog going.
And to the nasty, the haters, and the “chumps” out there?
This is pretty much in your face. 🙂